Opinion

November 2, 2008 Cholula, Puebla — Mexico. About three years ago, Hugh Phillips packed up the office he had established for migrant workers and bade Champaign-Urbana farewell. He made his home in the old, old …

I’m not voting in this election. I doubt I will ever vote again. It would take a miracle to get me to do so. My last vote was cast during the 2000 election. I can …

Let’s everybody take off school, and work, on Wednesday. Chancellor Herman, school superintendents, bosses: Let’s have a day off to commemorate an epochal moment. This moment marks the dawn of a new era. In honor …

The Preschooler finds himself on the playground with a new friend from the city, and the friend suggests they play “Robbers and Policemen.” “I’ll be the Robber, you be the Policeman!” the new friend shouts. …

There’s a lot to vote on next Tuesday in C-U, ranging from the most powerful person in the world (president) to most powerful person to legally declare death (local coroner). According to the Champaign County …

Did he just get snippy with me? Which has never happened in the twenty years we have known each other. Not even almost. I said I was voting for Obama, and he called me “naive.” …

Good day, Worthy Reader. Despite my best efforts to deceive myself into thinking otherwise, I do actually attend the University of Illinois, and one of the aspects of the university that has most interested me …

I have to admit that I don’t understand people like Joe the Plumber. As most everyone probably knows by now, the unfortunate Joe Wurzelbacher (aka “the Plumber”) found himself in the middle in the presidential …

One of my all-time favorite Seinfeld lines is from the episode called The Nap. Elaine says, “Hey, Kramer, listen, you’ve seen The Omen right? What exactly was that kid?” And Kramer replies, “Who, Damien? Nothing, …

I marvel at how appropriate a metaphor Ashley Todd’s face is for the McCain candidacy. Ashley Todd is the young white woman who claimed that a large black Obama supporter mugged her and carved a …

ROTFL. I recently saw this in a PowerPoint presentation on effective business writing. At the time, the speaker was addressing how abbreviated language in emails can be turbid and indecipherable. I stared at ROTFL and …

Today, I will be writing a review of Michaelangelo Antonioni’s 1966 film Blow-Up. It will be a meandering discourse as a means of distraction, a way of blurring my own awareness of the daily slough …

OK, this is a pretty funny story. But we’re sure Zamboni isn’t the worst she could do. So, help us out here. What would be a name that would top it?

Pleasant returns, Worried Reader. As I mentioned last week, the economic state of the world is in shambles. Many people are frightened for the future of their cash, capital, and quarters. Some people are even …

John Stossel recently took a break from denying global warming and encouraging you to marry your cousin in order to air a 20/20 segment that questioned whether young people are smart enough to vote. He …

As you may or may not know, when the Fighting Illini host a home football game, tens of thousands of Illini fans descend upon the parking lots surrounding Memorial Stadium. They arrive heavily equipped with …

I admit it. I’m a soccer mom. But not the kind you are thinking of: not a mom who loves to watch her kids play soccer, driving them around town in a minivan for that …

Last time I saw my old friend Justin, he was training to be a union plumber. You see, in order to be a plumber, you have to have specific training. It’s not good enough just …

I voted. They allowed that this year. You go out to the County Clerk’s office, say, “Mark, I know it’s weeks early, but hit me up,” and they let you do it right now. They …

I recently fell into a conversation with a friend about children’s stories. I can’t recall how the conversation came about, but for some reason I referenced “The Three Little Pigs.” I couldn’t remember how the …

Two completely unrelated things The Husband and I just had our first “date night” this year. We went to see Wire in Chicago at the Metro, the best place in all the US — and …

One of the great travesties of living in a hyper-accelerated-shopping-crazed-live-beyond-your-means-on-credit society is the fact that the Christmas shopping season officially begins long before kids even choose their Halloween costumes. As the economy continues to wax …

Good day, prodigal reader. Times are tough. Money is sparse, and the economy has taken more blows than Parson Yorick. I feel the strain myself. I am a jobless scholar with limited funds. I have …

As much as I try to dampen my enthusiasm during this election, I’ve somehow let myself become a super-partisan. I guess it’s because I’ve complained about weasely Democrats not standing up for their values over …

There is an odd little book for children called Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi which was written for toddlers as they learn to be potty trained. Of course this book begs an extraordinary theological question …

The Champaign Public Library has in its circulation exactly two copies of Ray Bradbury’s dystopian masterpiece Fahrenheit 451, a novel about book censorship, authoritarian rule and the negative influence technology can have on humanity. One …

Two weeks ago, as stocks tumbled and a sense of malaise set in nation-wide, Congress scrambled to get together a plan aimed at avoiding a complete economic meltdown. The gentleman from Illinois’ 15th district delivered …

The only complete Shakespeare play we read at my minuscule high school was the Voldemort of the canon, the one they never name aloud, you know, Macbeth. The Scottish play. The jinxed play. 19th century …

Applied for a loan lately? Had the courage to look at your 401K? Do you think you’ll soon need to choose between gas in your car or food in your belly? The financial meltdown and …

After a three week journey up my own bunghole, I have returned, O Great Gouty Reader, a mite dirtier and not a bit wiser. When I finally arrived at Isolation Manor after many hours of …

Whenever John McCain is feeling ignored or down in the dumps (or polls), he gives himself a little pick-me-up with a stunt of some kind. He nominated Sarah Palin when Barack Obama was getting all …

Several months ago I left work and headed to my son’s school so I could see him perform in his third-grade program. I was late and I was speeding. A cop pulled me over and …

Sarah Palin’s politics remain undefined, much less cast in stone. Her Roe V. Wade interview — broadcast on October 1, with Katie Couric — suggests to me that like most women, she doesn’t like abortions; …

This last week, I went to make some coffee for my coworkers, when I saw this AP article posted above the coffee maker: CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa—It wasn’t just the caffeine that gave an Iowa woman …

The Ex-Toddler’s fifth birthday is coming up. At this point I remember my sister saying of her child, “I cannot believe that time flew by so quickly.” To me, time hasn’t flown by quickly; I …

After all the hoopla, who do you think won the debate? Did you take a drink everytime Sen. Biden said the word “fact”? Did you take a drink everytime Gov. Palin said the word “maverick” …

Instead of watching the debate, I went outside for a smoke. The thing is, I don’t smoke, but I have been trying to start and it was quite pleasant. As I practiced exhaling, I composed …

We now resume with the final installment of The Campus Wit’s tale of Parson Yorick and his travels through the UIUC campus town. …. and his eloquence was unsurpassed. I will miss the venerable Parson …

The Big Palin Debate is tonight. Yes, there will also be some other guy named Biden there, but come on, nobody cares about him. And it turns out that nobody cared about last week’s presidential …

Q: How many Corporate Vice Presidents does it take to ruin a Customer Service experience? A: Two or more I walked in to the Urbana Meijer this morning at 6:15, picked out my mini-cart, and …

I’m afraid I haven’t been much of a church hopper the past couple of months. I confess it’s because I’ve been attending the same church somewhat regularly. Which one you ask? Well, I will keep …

2:46 a.m. Saturday, a solid five hours after the first presidential debate and I have yet to find a single news/blog posting regarding the two major points not made in tonight’s debate. Point 1: No …

During last week’s presidential debate, Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain managed to snare his Democratic counterpart into a long and testy exchange regarding the practice of congressional earmarks, in which McCain blasted their impact on …

I’m not sure when U of I’s drop date for classes is, but if you are a student and you’re thinking about dropping classes, or dropping out completely, heed this caveat: don’t drop after the …

In the near-ish future, Smile Politely will be undergoing a site redesign. Yes, we know that submitting comments is a pain. Yes, we know some kind of open forum would be cool. No, we don’t …

Economic meltdowns. Global climate change. Preemptive war. The energy crisis. It is time we face the obvious but unpleasant truth — humans are no more fit to run the world than children are fit to …

The Human Treat Tomorrow Cold Stone Creamery will be giving away their indulgent ice cream creations to anyone who walks through their door in celebration of their seventh annual “World’s Largest Ice Cream Social” and …

If I am not day dreaming, our economy is currently reeling from the recent pop of the “junk bond” bubble, and yet the same group of conscienceless speculators are busy blowing up a new bubble …