Smile Politely

White knuckleheads not to be outdone

Two One Campustown incidents over the weekend involving white-on-white crime (UPDATE: and one white-on-undetermined) have left caucasian nightlifers confused about whom they should most fear.

First, on Friday night, an enthusiastic supporter of concealed-carry (and six of his buddies) got a little carried away in the vicinity of Kam’s:

According to a police report, a man reported walking on the south sidewalk in the 600 block of East Daniel Street at 11:55 p.m. Friday when he was approached from the north by a group of five white males and two white females between 18 and 19 years old, one of whom called out to the victim.

When the victim turned toward the group, one of the men pointed a handgun at his face and made unintelligible remarks, police said.

Police said the man with the gun was described as a white male. He was 6 feet tall with medium to muscular build, short spiky blond hair, a rectangular shaped face and large cheeks.

Then, on Saturday night, things got completely out of hand with the polar bears and the hunting and all.

A 22-year-old Champaign man said he was walking home while talking on his cell phone when a male punched him several times. This attacker, who remained at large on Monday afternoon, was described as a white male who is about 18 years old. He is 5 feet, 10 inches tall, has sandy hair and was wearing blue jeans and white shoes.

Isolated incidents, or part of a vast conspiracy based in the opium dens of Schaumburg? You’ll have to decide for yourselves, but be assured that they are an embarrassment to the community. Oh, and I wholeheartedly condemn these attacks.

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