Smile Politely

Virginia Theatre announces EDM festival

The Virginia Theatre announced its very first EDM festival today. 

“Our cultural events have been crushing it for ages,” said Chelsea Norton, Champaign Park District Marketing Manager. “So, in 2016, we have decided to take decisive action and turn up. The music scene in Champaign-Urbana could use some sophistication, so we have decided to program this event for September 23-24 so C-U can learn what this game is all about.”

Noting Virginia’s capacity for moshing and getting lit, Norton said that she hopes the drug-free venue will offer C-U people the chance to encounter eletronic music in a safe and Baby Boomer-friendly environment. 

“We want people to get into the vibe of EDM while enjoying our state-of-the-art seating and pristine interior design,” said Norton.

No outside food or drink is permitted, and certainly no outside hallucinagens, but one can occasionally purchase a Bell’s Two-Hearted IPA for the low price of $5, according to sources within Virginia.

“We are going to rave,” confirmed Norton. “Bring your back-support cushions.”

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