Smile Politely

Joan Rivers Loves GWAR

Before GWAR was one of the most outrageous metal bands known to Mankind, there was nothing. The supreme being of the universe was bored and therefore created the members of GWAR to wreck havoc on the universe. The five godlike warriors went planet to planet destroying all they could, until they even tried to destroy their creator and in effect the entire universe.

After failing, they were banished to “worst planet in the universe,” Earth, where they proceeded to impregnate the native animals, thus creating humans. Yes, the historical outline of the cult-metal band outlined on their website is the most absurd and amazing band bio ever written, and comes second only to Scientology’s core beliefs as the most outrageous thing I’ve ever read.

But all the more reason to see this legendary, costumed act at The Canopy Club tonight. Satirical, hilarious, foul and capable of thrashing at lightspeed, GWAR has managed to steal a loyal group of humans’ hearts whilst trying to tear them out.

Check out Oderus Urungus, leader of the pack of musically-inclined cosmic-warriors, and Beefcake the Mighty chatting it up on daytime television and calling out Barry Manilow for stealing the first song they ever wrote. They almost look like regular guys next to Joan Rivers…

I don’t think the Grand Canyon was formed during the age of dinosaurs, but I imagine that being around for as long as GWAR has, the memory starts to go.

Not only do they tour with an untamable penis spewing digestive fluids and sacrifice fans on stage, according to a guy at Monolo’s last year, they are “really nice guys.” Check out the delightful and demonic group tonight at Canopy Club. The show starts at 8 p.m. and tickets are $18. Kingdom of Sorrow and Toxic Holocaust open.

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