Smile Politely

How to Survive a Girl Talk Show

Greg Gillis, the man behind the phenomenon that is known as Girl Talk, is either a visionary pop culture collage artist or a glorified wedding DJ with severe ADHD. Flawlessly sewing classic rock, pop, dance, hip hop and indie insert-sub-genre into one amazing whole, Girl Talk’s work is anything but boring and never fails to impress.

Listening to a Girl Talk record is like going to the best concert ever filled with unannounced surprise guests. Think Last Waltz with some serious bass. Rick Springfield and Ying Yang Twins sing in perfect harmony “I wish that I had Jesse’s girl, but I’d rather get some head.” Jay-Z drops an unexpected verse over “Paranoid Android.” The songs are icons of pop music from the past half century all collaborating with the listener in the room. Taking this and placing it in the live setting, say the Canopy Club tonight, things could get out of hand.

Like frogs dying off in the rain forest being an environmental indicator of global warming, Dan Deacon’s stage breaking performance and Hood Internet’s rowdy set at Pygmalion are certainly signs that things will definitely get crazy.

With that said, here are some tips to help you survive:

Stay Hydrated

Drink plenty of fluids before making your way to the Canopy Club. It’s recommended to drink eight glasses a day, but you might want to have 16 just in case. Also, remember that Sparks is not an acceptable way to replenish your electrolytes.

Keep Track of Your Belongings

Don’t put anything in your pockets; there’s no guarantee they’ll be there by the end of the set – your pockets, that is. I’d say duct tape your cell phone and wallet to your body, but Canopy is going to be so hot and sweaty, the adhesive would just melt off your skin. I suggest sewing your important items somewhere near your heart. Swallowing your keys in a plastic bag is also an option.

The Buddy System

The crowd is likely to become a swirling mass of bodies and you don’t want to be in that alone. When going in a group, pair off and never let go of your partner’s hand; because you don’t want to end up on your own next to the dude in dreadlocks who likes to jump around and pump fists.

Don’t Accept “Multi-Vitamins” or “Tylenol” From Strangers

And definitely don’t take the second one if the first hasn’t kicked in yet…

Sell Your Ticket for $50 on Craigslist>

Use your $35 profit to enjoy a nice meal. Take a walk in the crisp fall weather and enjoy the fact that you are not at risk of being trampled, punched or vomited on.

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