Smile Politely

Canopy Acts Say “Suck It Tweedy!”

Tomorrow night at the Canopy Club, four bands will take the stage, united in their tongue-in-cheek disdain for Jeff Tweedy.

Taking the stage at 9 p.m. is Yossarian (“You should get there early in case it sells out,” says guitarist Collin Bullock).

Up next is Sunset Stallion, followed by Butterfly Assassins and World’s First Flying Machine.

In recognition of the unbalanced playing field presented by going head-to-head against one of the most beloved figures in rock, the bands did what underdogs have done for centuries: lash out irrationally.

After the jump, members of Sunset Stallion, World’s First Flying Machine and Yossarian each described the worst thing that Jeff Tweedy had ever done to them. You’ll be shocked and appalled at what Mr. Tweedy has been responsible for.

“Jeff Tweedy convinced Fox to cancel Arrested Development.” — Sunset Stallion

“Jeff Tweedy shook my baby.” — Ben Campbell, vocals/guitar, World’s First Flying Machine

“I take it personally that Jeff Tweedy never took the time to do anything personal to me.” — Laura Lynch, violin, WFFM

“The Loose Furs.” and “He stole all my sprinkles and I was forced to eat unadorned ice cream.” — Zane Ranney, drums, WFFM

“Jeff Tweedy directed Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2.” — Kurt Werner, bass/ bells/ uke, WFFM

I was a freshman at SIU Carbondale right after Yankee Hotel Foxtrot came out. The student activities planning committe that I had joined in an ultimately futile attempt to make friends had drafted Wilco to come play the big end of semester show. So, being a strapping young man, I volunteered to be a roadie for a day at the show. I was paid only in an exclusive t-shirt, which I later sold to a guy for twenty bucks. But that’s another story. The point is, the show was held outdoors in the parking lot of the arena, on a hastily-assembled stage. So there was no backstage area, which meant that the band just had to pull their tour bus up behind the stage. After the show, which rocked, we started tearing down the stage. I was up on a ladder, unscrewing a light or something, and I looked down and saw Jeff Tweedy leaning against the bus, smaoking a
cigarette. I quickly got down and walked up to him.
“Can I bum a smoke?” I asked. I wanted to look cool. I was/am lame.
“Sure,” he said, and we shared a cigarette together.
“That was a pretty good show, man.” I said.
“So, what’s the secret to being successful?”
“I don’t know. If you ever find out, let me know.”
At that moment, the unpleasant lady who was in charge of all of us peons yelled and demanded that I get back to work. So I was never able to get Jeff Tweedy to sign my vinyl copy of Summerteeth, which I didn’t buy for several years, and so this whole sentence makes no sense. But for giving me a cigarette, and thereby faciliating my addiction to cancer, Jeff Tweedy can suck it.
Fucking prick.

Collin Bullock, guitar/vocals, Yossarian

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