Smile Politely

The return of A Spooky Building, An Eerie Feeling, and A Creepy Latrine

As the end of October nears I venture forth once more in search of frights and things!

The Maybe Probably Haunted Derelict Factory at Springfield and Kenwood

This old factory/warehouse is definitely one of the eeriest places in town. I arrived to grab some pics right at dusk; the “Eerie Hour” as I like to call it.

I considered trespassing for you dear readers, in the name of JOURNALISM and SCARES, but the signs were pretty vehement that I should not, and also all the fences have barbed wire on them. I’ve had some bad barbed wire experiences in the past, so I’ll just take my photos from outside.

I’d assumed the whole place was abandoned, but I saw some clearly working vehicles inside the fence. What sorts of foul deliveries have they been making???

The north side of the building would be the creepiest of all, what with the overgrown fence and shattered windows…

…except that this is mere feet away from a very well-lit and inviting Kentucky Fried Chicken (which smelled amazing the entire time I was taking these pictures).

Hoping to uncover the dark history behind the factory I did some digging online. Unfortunately, it turns out this was not a factory for producing frighteningly lifelike dolls, prosthetic limbs, experimental mutagens, or even furniture upholstered with human flesh. Instead it produced innovative equipment for making concrete. You can learn more in this article from 2015. Actually it looks like my fellow local Tom/sleuth/journalist/hero Tom Kacich of Tom’s Mailbag gets asked about this building roughly annually.

Some more searching revealed that this whole property is for sale! Stay tuned for my $3,325,000 Kickstarter campaign to turn this 10 acre site into a combination indoor go-kart track, badminton gym, and alpaca farm.

VERDICT: Knowledge is power kids, and it’s also the enemy of spookiness. Google responsibly this Halloween season if you want to keep the mysteries alive.

The Passing of The Art Theater

Photo by Patrick Singer

Late last week, it was announced that The Art Theater would be closing its doors. After some hours of sadness came the guilt. I love The Art, but through my own unforgivable sloth and ignorance, I had not been there to see a movie at all in the last few months. ALAS, the BLOOD of The Art Theater is on MY hands! There can be no scarier feeling.

VERDICT: We always hurt the ones we love.

The Phantom Men’s Room of Noyes Lab

So, back in the spring of 2018, I was working on this column, and found a pretty spooky bathroom on campus. It was tucked away on the top floor in a nook of a darkened hallway.

One small room, unsettlingly high ceilings, unflushed pee, and a sub-optimally placed soap dispenser.

However, last week when I tried to return to this bathroom for additional pictures, IT WAS GONE. Or at least, I couldn’t find it. I’m 83% sure that it was in Noyes Lab, but maybe I’m wrong. Noyes Lab is notoriously a labyrinth where freshmen routinely get lost for days at a time. If you have any information about the whereabouts of this particular men’s room, please let me know. But for now I’m going to continue to believe it’s the migratory phantom bathroom of campus, appearing where and when you least expect it.

Merry Spookmas everyone. May your costumes be understood and your candy be unmelted. See you all next month!

Photos by Tom Ackerman except where otherwise noted. 

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