Smile Politely

The Polite Power Rankings Season Finale: Week 18

Twelve teams are in; 20 are out. At this time of year, when the mercury dips and the circle of competitors contracts, fans find themselves navigating that great expanse known as the human emotional landscape. For some, there’s relief (i.e., the Tennessee Titan fan). For others, there’s confidence bordering on hubris (i.e., the New England Patriot fan). And yet for others, there’s a sense of deep vulnerability (i.e., the Miami Dolphin fan, or the St. Louis Rams fan, or the New York Jets fan, or — well, you get the picture).

In the final installment of the Polite Power Rankings this season, we’ll devote the bulk of our time to the teams whose fans occupy the brighter side of that emotional continuum. These teams, of course, are the playoff contenders. Enjoy the January showdowns….

1. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1)

Nothing lifts the spirits of a constitutionally grouchy coach like a good old dose of perfection. As the Pats put the lid on a close game against the Giants Sunday, head coach Bill Belichick actually smiled. I’m not joking; he smiled several times. But now that the 16–0 regular-season benchmark has been met, the smiling will end and Belichick’s Patriots will try to carry their win streak through the Super Bowl.

2. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2)

In less than two weeks, when the Colts make their first playoff appearance of the year, there’s a good chance that all hands will be on deck. After injuries made the Colts look vulnerable, health is now a reasonable January expectation — and this includes the return of wide receiver Marvin Harrison. The Colts would love a chance to redo their midseason match-up with the Pats; though, if they get the chance, they’ll have to play it at unfriendly Foxboro this time.

3. GREEN BAY PACKERS (5)

Age means nada to the man behind center in Green Bay. Though he only tossed the ball 11 times Sunday, Brett Favre found his target nine times, twice for a touchdown. By the second quarter Favre and a number of other starters had taken a seat on the bench, and yet the Packers went on to thump a Lions team that was, in fact, playing to win. And the next time Green Bay plays, it’ll be on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

4. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (4)

Vegas has the Jaguars over the Steelers with a two-point spread — and keep in mind that this is a night game in Pittsburgh in the dead of winter. If David Garrard can continue to protect the football, if Fred Taylor can continue to pound the rock, and if the defense can continue to play with ferocity, this is going to be a team to be reckoned with throughout the playoffs.

5. DALLAS COWBOYS (3)

A month ago, there was a certain intensity emanating from Dallas. But the fires seem to have a cooled a little in the Lone Star State, and this lack of momentum may be the biggest stumbling block for the Cowboys as they head into the heat of January. Sure, the ’Boys weren’t playing with all their starters on the field, but Tony Romo (whose quarterbacking has gotten shaky in recent weeks) stayed on into the third quarter and mustered a completion percentage of under 50% with one interception and no TDs. Let’s see if a bye week provides some rejuvenation for Romo and company.

6. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (6)

Finally, Norv Turner has the Chargers performing like a Marty Schottenheimer squad, and LaDainian Tomlinson, picking up the rushing title on Sunday against the Raiders, proved that the Patriots aren’t the only team that suits up award-winning players. So, there seems no better time to dish up some lyrics from the San Diego Super Chargers Song: “We’re coming your way / With the Super Chargers’ play. / Were coming at you. / Now we’re coming through!” Look out, Tennessee….

7. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (7)

Who the hell is Chris Redman? That’s what the Seattle Seahawks would like to know. Redman, the latest from the Atlanta Falcons’ QB carousel, tossed for four TDs on Sunday to take down a Seahawks team that was expecting an easy victory — and maybe without having to break a sweat. Despite the loss, the Seahawks are quietly having a very strong season out in the Pacific Northwest, and this is a team just two years removed from a Super Bowl loss that they’d love to avenge.

8. NEW YORK GIANTS (9)

The bookies aren’t laying their bets on Eli Manning and the New York Giants this weekend against the Buccaneers, but before you place that wager you might want to review the Giants’ performance against the Pats last week. Eli Manning (to my great surprise, I have to admit) actually lived up to that “potential” we’ve been hearing so much about for the past couple of seasons. He landed 22 of 32 for four touchdowns, which forced Tom Brady and the perfection-seeking Pats to keep their starters on the field till the bitter end. The downside for the Giants? A rushing game that put up only 79 yards Sunday. And this coming weekend, against the tough Bucs D, it’s not going to get any easier.

9. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (8)

They’re still breathing in the Steel City, but barely. Injuries litter the roster, including the possibly devastating broken leg of Pro Bowl running back Willie Parker. And Sunday’s loss to the Ravens was concerning for Steeler Nation not because of the defeat (after all, many starters stayed on the bench from beginning to end) but because of the lack of intensity displayed on the field. This is a tired team that will need to muster significant strength to protect its home field against a Jacksonville onslaught this Saturday night.

10. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (10)

Rusty or rested? That is the question. Coach John Gruden gave much of his first team a two-week break to end the regular season, hoping to take a squad into the playoffs that’s healthier and more energized than the crew on the opposing sideline. But there’s something to be said for rhythm, which the Bucs will have to manufacture quickly. This Sunday at 1 p.m. we’ll see if the Gruden gamble paid off.

11. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (11)

After Sunday’s 27–6 win over the Cowboys, emotional Redskins players said that it was significant that they won by 21, which was the number worn by Sean Taylor, the Washington safety murdered earlier this season. Don’t underestimate the power of this sort of emotion. But you also don’t want to underestimate the power of Seattle’s “12th man,” which the Redskins will need to overcome if they want a W on Saturday.

12. TENNESSEE TITANS (14)

It wasn’t exactly a shellacking, but Sunday night against the Colts the Titans did what they had to do to clinch the final invitation to the playoffs. They have an uphill battle against San Diego, though. Still, if Kyle Vanden Bosch and his defensive cohort can slow down LaDainian Tomlinson, the Titans might be able to stage an upset.

13. CLEVELAND BROWNS (13)

14. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (14)

15. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (11)

You can see what a team’s made of when its back is up against the wall — and that’s exactly where the Vikings’ back was Sunday, as its playoff hopes rested on a victory over the Broncos and a Cowboys win against the Redskins. And what did they do? They let the Broncos snatch away the post-season with an overtime field goal. (The one consolation: The Redskins ended up defeating the Cowboys, which meant the Vikes weren’t going anywhere even if they had won.)

16. ARIZONA CARDINALS (17)

17. HOUSTON TEXANS (19)

18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (16)

19. CHICAGO BEARS (21)

The New Orleans Saints had everything to play for Sunday (at least, if “everything” = “keeping their playoff chances alive”), but a suddenly capable-looking Bears team took the air right out of them. At 7–9, the Bears suffered a deflating post-Super Bowl season, but they managed to end the season with a two-game win streak and some solid play that might leave Chicago fans with a little bit of hope to carry into the off season.

20. BUFFALO BILLS (18)

21. CAROLINA PANTHERS (22)

22. DETROIT LIONS (20)

23. DENVER BRONCOS (23)

24. CINCINNATI BENGALS (25)

25. BALTIMORE RAVENS (28)

26. OAKLAND RAIDERS (27)

JaMarcus Russell gets his first NFL start and what’s he do? He hits his mark on 23 of 31 passes (that’s an impressive 74%) and throws a touchdown. Not quite the stuff of legend yet, but after a discouraging 4–12 season the folks in Oakland just might have something to look optimistically toward (aside from the fact that Al Davis may someday release his stranglehold on this withering franchise, that is).

27. NEW YORK JETS (26)

28. SAN FRANCISCO 49ers (24)

29. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (29)

30. ATLANTA FALCONS (31)

31. ST. LOUIS RAMS (30)

32. MIAMI DOLPHINS (32)

Finally, the brutal season is over, which means the boys in Miami can all head over to Ricky Williams’s pad to relax with some yoga and a few slow hits on the bong. Better do it quick, though, because as soon as Bill Parcells finishes arranging the paperwork in his new filing cabinet, the Era of the Iron Fist begins in south Florida.

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