Smile Politely

The Beige Connection: April 1–7

WHAT: March Against Gout

WHERE: Hometown Buffet Parking Lot

WHEN: Monday, Apr. 1, 12:00–4:00 p.m.

Every year 1–2% of the population is affected by an inflammatory pain in the joints, and far too often those who suffer from this condition are themselves blamed because of their “lifestyle choices.” Outrageous!

Meet this Monday in the Hometown Buffet parking lot. Enjoy a hearty (and delicious!) lunch, get your lime sherbet green ribbon, and help bring awareness to this practically chronic disorder. Take Back the Toes!

WHAT: Parent/Child Play Date

WHERE: Hessel Park

WHEN: Tuesday, Apr. 2, 1:00–3:00 p.m.

While the children play, parents are free to ignore one another while posting apple turnover recipes to Pinterest boards and inundating their Facebook “friends” with interesting articles about centerpieces via smartphone.

Bring your own juice boxes and single-serving wine (in recyclable containers) if desired.

WHAT: Weekly Shopping Spree: Target and Lowe’s Run

WHERE: Target and Lowe’s!

WHEN: Wednesday, Apr. 3, 4:30–6:30 p.m.

Always an adventure! This week, we’ll visit Target! We’ll lament the price of fuel and listen to our favorite oldies while driving clear across town to our “local” Target store to stock up on necessary supplies. The idea for this week’s trip was inspired by Bob’s dear wife Barbara. Ladies, don’t be caught unprepared!

And for the gentlemen, we’ll do some Home & Garden shopping and visit the Toyota Camry Showcase at Lowe’s (it’s right next door to Target!). It’s never too early to start planning those spring projects or admiring your neighbors’ cars.

Peruse the latest perennials in the garden center, ogle some fine kitchen fixtures, and then head out to the parking lot to take in a sea of Toyota Camrys — the beigest car of all! — sporting a wide range of vacation destination stickers.

WHAT: Book Group

WHERE: Barnes & Noble

WHEN: Thursday, Apr. 4, 7:00–8:00 p.m.

This week’s book is Nicholas Sparks’ Five Shades of Taupe. What do you do when you learn that your husband has been hiding a strange and disturbing desire, a kink he can no longer suppress?

Follow the compelling story of Joan, a young bride who learns that her new husband — the man she thought she could depend on for a quiet, stable, secure life — prefers colored pantyhose to sheer.

Join our discussion on the lengths women sometimes go to for the men they’ve married.

WHAT: Come As You Are Party

WHERE: SandStone Village Lounge

WHEN: Friday, Apr. 5, 8:00–10:00 p.m.

Every week, SandStone Village Lounge parties like it’s 1999. Enjoy “Fat Beats” by Disk Jockey Midriff. Headliner John P. Cunningham, Certified Public Accountant, always brings the merriment. This week’s featured performers are:

  • Sue Jefferson, Dental Hygienist
  • Donald P. Henderson, Sales Representative
  • Beatrice Wallace, Consultant

Reasonably-priced beverages and snacks. The night is sure to be quite pleasant, so don’t miss it!

WHAT: Spend “time” with your spouse, maybe

WHERE: Your bedroom, in your bed (duh, where else?)

WHEN: Saturday, Apr. 6, 9:00–9:04 p.m.

It’s Saturday night, and you know what that means! It’s possible that you might … I mean, it’s Saturday. It could happen once 20/20 is over.

WHAT: Worship Service and Family Picnic

WHERE: Fellowship Lutheran Church/American Legion Hall

WHEN: Sunday, Apr. 7, 11:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m.

After returning home from services, slide into your favorite pleated khakis and join us at the American Legion Hall for moderate-tempo “jams” and songs that sound vaguely familiar from the pre-parental, Hall & Oates club days of your youth.

The Women’s Fellowship Group will provide cold cuts for sandwiches and hot dog/Kraft macaroni and cheese casserole. Rumor has it that Marge is making her award-winning carrot salad! Don’t miss out on the fun!



Disclaimer: This list compiled by Tracy Nectoux and Jason Brown. All events subject to change due to Matlock marathon, gout, or being just plain tuckered out.

Related Articles