Smile Politely

Mayor Gerard starts social rehab program

We’re all aware that Champaign Mayor Don Gerard is too social

Fortunately, he has accepted this fact as well, admitting that his social media usage, continous interactions with voters, and frequent appearances at community events are part of a dangerous cycle. Gerard announced today that he is committing to taking a break from everything social by checking himself into “social rehab,” a program that will help wean him off his frequent smartphone and in-person interactions with the people of Champaign.

“The comments of several News-Gazette readers really opened my eyes,” said Gerard. “They made me realize that my routine desire to keep in touch is part of a pathological addiction. I need to stop now while I still have a choice.” 

Gerard’s rehab program requires him to spend several hours alone in a cubicle-sized room every day until April 7th, fighting the impulse to check Facebook, attend events, and, especially, take selfies.

“It’s a small price to pay for staying professional,” said Gerard.

The recent “Thanks Gerard” campaign made Gerard realize what a threat his addiction was to the community.


“Once I realized how many people knew about my addiction to being social,” said Gerard, “I knew I had to find a way to stop.”

Gerard says it will be difficult to sit in a completely empty room apart from his smart phone, but it’s the least he can do. 



“Far too many people have seen me hanging out in the community, laughing, cracking jokes, and remembering people’s names,” said Gerard. “It’s time I got serious and learned what political office in the 21st century is all about.” Adopting a repentant tone, he added, “I sure do hope someone sends me a fax sometime soon.”

Those close to Gerard admit that the signs of his addiction have been there for many selfies.

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