Smile Politely

Living with animals… and a few more animals

I am insane and I don’t state that lightly. I live with five cats, three men, and one puppy. If that’s not enough proof, let me introduce the household.

Husband is generally wonderful but, like Pigpen, is always surrounded by debris. His debris consists of Magic cards, role playing books and notes on scrap paper about Magic and role playing. The worst flaw, however, is his procrastination about housework. This creates lots of dishes and piles of stuff which the animals use for snacks and napping.

No. 2 is our best friend and roommate who claims not to be a pet person, although he is the one who spoils them the most. He has made his room into a dog free sanctuary for the cats to relax in with plenty of laundry to lie in and boxes to play with.

Ghost Man is our third roommate who is only around a few days a month. He wanders in, asks Joe “What up, Cat” then disappears to watch You Tube videos with him.

Moose is our nine month old Shar Pei hound mix. He is still not potty trained because his previous owners didn’t bother and we got him just before the deep freeze. Neither the dog or I were willing to stand outside for more then a minute if the temperature was below zero. He is known as Destructor for his chewing of things that aren’t dog toys. So far he has eaten two library books, several dice, a thesaurus, and washed it down with a mocha martini. I left the drink to go the bathroom and when I returned he had brought his dog bed into the living room, laid a blanket over it, then carefully brought the glass down. He didn’t spill a drop so that night I had a much calmer puppy. I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t mind him tipsy; it was more relaxing then if I had the drink myself.

Now for the long list of cats.

Joe is fat and lovable, when we walk him around Rural King he lays in front of people asking for belly rubs. He also gets the cat crazies a lot, sliding across the wood floor on his hind legs with his arms in the air; no, he just doesn’t care. He is also fond of harassing Pixie by sitting on top of her and trying to smother her in his fat.

Pixie is tiny and crazy, we think she has some trauma from being born outside. She spends most of her time hiding in No. 2’s shirt drawer shedding. When she gets lonely she will walk up to us, shriek loudly and run away when we try to touch her. I have thrown my back out before trying to grab her so now I don’t even bother. She has the men trained well, they will follow her up and down the stairs begging to pet her.

The other three I have had since birth so they are my babies. They are all weird since they are Siamese.

Kahuna is the top cat of the house and rules with an iron paw. He likes to bite people who try to pet him and sleeping upside down on my lap while I try to type. He bites me if I wake him up or reach for the mouse.

Diggins is a spaz. He enjoys playing fetch and jumping on people without warning. Ghost Man is well over six feet tall so when Diggins tried to jump on his shoulder he hit just higher then his stomach. Ghost Man looked down at Diggins sliding slowly down his shirt and summed it up — “what the hell?” All Diggins said was “Mreeeeuuw!” as he fell to to the floor

Dove has the personality of an old lady who whacks people with her cane and complains about the help these days. She is also the clumsiest cat I have ever seen, she regularly rolls off window sills and she is responsible for most of the crashing noises heard in the night. Despite popular theory cats don’t always land on their feet.

I almost forgot myself….

I have worked in the pet business for over ten years as a groomer with training and pet sitting on the side. Growing up I had ferrets, fish, reptiles and more. I don’t think I have any crazy inducing habits, except the piles of books every where. Just don’t ask the men, they might have a different opinion.

So ask me anything about pets furry, scaly or feathered, about behavior, training or health.

Send me your questions and in future columns I will answer them. You can also expect to see interviews with local business owners and info on adoptable pets in the area.

Related Articles