Smile Politely

Football Variety Show #2



1. Broncos. Orton = One interception through five games. Defense = only two passing touchdowns and 43 points allowed in five games. This has become my new favorite team and I think it happened right after that 98 yard drive in the fourth to tie the game. I will not claim this team to be invincible, but I will promise that they will vie for an AFC title.

2. Saints. Bye weeks are for babies.

3. Colts. Make that 14 straight regular season games Peyton hasn’t lost.

4. Giants. 8/10 passing, 2 TD’s and no interceptions. Eli’s foot isn’t a problem.

5. Lions. I feel like I need to give them some love since no one else is. I know they’re 1-4. But they have what is possibly the hardest schedule of any team this season. With that they have still come out and competed. With Culpepper now at QB I truly believe that they can grind a few out.


1. Gators. Tebow is fine and as it turns out, so is there national title hopes. After the beating of LSU Florida can breathe a sigh of relief. At least until Saturday when they have to face the…

2. Crimson Tide of Alabama. After the offensive mess that was the Ole Miss game, Greg Elroy and his offensive line get a chance to show their true colors this week. It’ll be a battle of two of the nation’s elite defenses, which most likely means…….. a boring game.

3. USC. QB Matt Barkley will have a healthy Ronald Johnson at receiver which is good since they face the 110th ranked pass defense that is Notre Dame. I picture this game will be the perfect example of what it would look like if Jerry Bruckheimer directed football. Bombs dropping everywhere, with plenty of shots of cheerleaders.

4. Broncos of Boise State. Did you see the blue field they play on? You seriously need to check it out.

5. Texas. 5-0 and I rank them behind Boise? You can thank my Ex for that. Let’s hope Oklahoma beats them this week (fingers crossed).



The Balls of Steel Award

Mike Zimmer, Defensive Coordinator for the Bengals. The award takes a different tone this week. You see, Zimmer’s wife Vikki died three days before the game against the Ravens. He chose to coach and his defense went out there and held the Ravens to a season low 253 yards and seven points, helping the Bengals pull the upset.


The DeLorean Award

ILLINI. Maybe if they can go back and just have started Juice instead, we could have won that game.


The “I’d hate to be at that family dinner” Award

Colorado. After starting 1-4, coach Dan Hawkins decided to bench QB Cody Hawkins in favor of Tyler Hansen. That’s right kids; daddy told his kid he’s just not good enough. I’m sure this won’t show its face in the form of strict parenting when Cody has kids.


Weekly Check on the Illini




  • It’s time to do away with the current overtime system and switch to something resembling the NCAA system. A coin flip should not determine if I win my money…..I mean the game.
  • Kyle Orton for MVP. One interception in 20 quarters
  • NCAA needs a playoff system…NOW.
  • Last year’s Lions could beat this year’s Rams.
  • Why does Burger King have wireless internet?
  • Why does my fantasy league decide ties by going to the points your bench scored? They suck, that’s why they are on the bench. Stupid league manager.



The United Football League opened play this weekend in Las Vegas and Orlando. I’m sure you had no idea about this and I’m going to tell you why.

There are a total of four teams (Orlando, Las Vegas, New York, California) in the league and six games in the season. The two with the best records will play each other on Nov 27th. Four teams and six games? This sounds like something my local park district puts on for the local kids to do.

Want my opinion? I don’t care, you’re getting it. Don’t play in the fall. We already have college football, pro football, high school football, and pickup games at the park. How about right after the NBA finals when Baseball is hitting its mid season? I think I’d give it a good once over then. Oh yeah, add two more teams. And instead of playing on Thursday nights you could play on Sunday and Monday nights. Stick with what people are used to.

The worst part is that they have the players to help them survive. Players like Brooks Bollinger, Simeon Rice, Michael Pittman, and J.P. Losman. It would be an awesome outlet for undrafted players, or another option besides settling with being on a pro practice squad or Arena League.

For what it’s worth I kind of hope they last a while, as long as they’re ok with being the NFL’s minor league.



Let’s start by pointing out that I went 4-0 in the NFL (pats self on back), and 1-2 in the NCAA for a combined record of 5-2. Not too shabby.

Home team in CAPS.

Giants (+3) over the SAINTS: I went back and forth on whether to pick this one or not but I have a gambling problem so let’s go with it.

Lions (+13.5) over the PACKERS: Culpepper can keep it close.

PATRIOTS (-9) over Titans: After a close and disappointing loss the Patriots will be out for blood.

Broncos (+3.5) over CHARGERS: This line has to be wrong; I’m calling it my Game of the Week.

Cincinnati Bearcats (-3) over SOUTH FLORIDA BULLS: We’re going to call this a hunch.

USC (-10) over NOTRE DAME: Remember, Bruckheimer is directing this one.

Boise State Broncos (-8.5) over TULSA GOLDEN HURRICANES: with 3 games coming by more then……….You know what, I have no idea. I just really like that blue field.

Cheese Nips over DORITOS: Doritos gets home field advantage because there are so many different types. Nips pulls off the upset though. Can you really disagree with that?

Related Articles