Smile Politely

Coach McCain Calls for Suspension of Super Bowl

Deep into the 4th quarter of a tight, thrilling Super Bowl, with the Chicago Bears driving deep into Arizona territory after a Cardinal fumble, Arizona coach John McCain has called for a temporary suspension of the game.

This follows the announcement by the league at the start of the 4th quarter that NFL owners will lose a tremendous amount of money this year. Many blame the NFL rules committee, which has instituted a policy of allowing corporate clients to attend their games for free, sitting in luxury boxes that now line the entire field. Gate receipts by regular fans, who continue to complain about their “freedom seating” in the upper decks of the endzones, no longer cover the price of free booze and catered food to the corporate clients.

Coach McCain said he was unilaterally suspending the Super Bowl “for the good of the game,” just as the Bears ran off tackle for a 12 yard gain, and are now threatening to go up by two scores. McCain said he would immediately fly to New York, to meet with the NFL rules committee, who he believes are unable to make progress without him. “I’ve always put the league first, ahead of any personal glory I might gain by winning a game” said McCain, who was a leader in instituting the free-luxury-box policy.

When asked why assistant coach Sarah Palin could not coach the rest of the game, given the breadth and depth of her coaching experience, McCain said that he was a former POW and that Palin would not speak to the team until they show her proper deference.

Bears coach Barack Obama responded by saying “Hey, they can do whatever they want. We are going in for the score, and then after the game, we’re going to start ripping out these corporate boxes.”

Related Articles