So, even though I had a small setback last weekend with binging, this week I took seriously the prospect of getting back on ye olde wagon. My life is changing, and I feel like I am in the process of deciding which old parts to keep and which to throw out. I think that perhaps the binging is a sign that I am clinging to some old issues. Writing this column helps. It might have been a longer process towards equilibrium if I didn’t have to account for my actions here every week.
In order to prevent another misstep like I had last weekend, I need to change my relationship with food. Sometimes I feel like I am all talk; I make these big claims and pretend I have so much self knowledge, but it is worthless unless I act on this knowledge. And sometimes this isn’t so easy. It will be a long road, but I made a small advancement this week when I decided to learn to appreciate chocolate. (And, oh. It was such a hardship.)
My friend, Katherine is a huge chocolate fanatic. She has worked at a couple of different confectioneries and she is very knowledgeable on the topic. A few weeks ago, she introduced me to these fancy Vosges chocolate bars. Some people are wine snobs and can tell you that they taste hints of bubble gum or leather in certain wines. Others are beer or tea or cheese afficianados. What they and chocolate lovers have in common is the mindfulness of enjoying the substance of their choice.
Vosges chocolate bars are interesting because they come with exotic and unique fillings, like goji berry + pink Himalayan sea salt or wasabi + ginger + black sesame seeds. On Monday I went to World Harvest on University Avenue, and purchased a variety of flavors. (They’re cheaper there than they are on the website, and they have a perpetual chocolate sale — buy 5 bars, get the 6th free!)
On the package of the chocolate bars, before you begin to eat, it says to first take 3 ujjayi breaths. This is a breathing technique from ashtanga yoga that helps cleanse the body and increase the flow of prana (love and flowing wisdom) in the body. In class, we also call it “Darth Vader” breath, because of the sound it makes. To practice ujjayi breathing, imagine saying “haaaaaaa” out loud. Then, without moving the position of your throat muscles, close your mouth, and breathe in and out through your nose in this way. It is a strange sensation, but eventually as you incorporate it into your yoga over a period of weeks, months, and years, it becomes a normal part of your practice, and you will do it for hours at a time.
The next step to appreciating chocolate is smelling it. Then, break it into small pieces and put one in your mouth to let it melt slowly on your tongue. Close your eyes. As you taste it, see if anything springs immediately to your mind. Do you detect a note of coffee or honey? Nuttiness? Let the entire piece melt into nothing before you have another. What might have taken just a few seconds to eat if you had gobbled it down now can last over ten minutes.
These are just guidelines. The moral of the story is to just take the time to enjoy the chocolate. When I do this, I am usually satiated after eating two squares. I’ve had my sugar requirement for the day, and I have no need for cake, cookies, ice cream, etc. Ideally, we can move forward to taking the time to experience all of our food in this way.
Anyway, thanks to the chocolate, and my mindful eating of it, by Wednesday I was back in the old groove again and I felt a new focus and resolve. One day I was driving to class and I saw a 50-ish balding man walking down Springfield Avenue carrying a stack of books. I don’t know this person, but all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with happiness and a gladness that he existed in the same world as I. This might sound strange, but it is a good sign: I always know I’m on the right track when I start feeling intense love and compassion for random people. It means my heart chakra is opening and allowing change and new growth to occur.
I pushed myself a little harder in yoga class this week than I had been; now that I have gained a little more strength in my arms, I have started to work towards something called Chaturanga. Here is a short video of a normal sun salutation, which is a series of poses usually used at the commencement of a yoga class to warm the muscles to facilitate the stretching that will follow:
In a normal beginner class, at the 0.23 mark in the video, the instructor would tell you to lower all the way down to the ground to rest on your belly. But in the video, the yogini does a little push-up thing, and instead of touching the ground, she flows through straight into upward dog. This is called Chaturanga, and it is really tough, but I feel like it is getting closer…
Blessings to you this week,
Namaste.