“Let’s get all you pussy lovers up here! This song’s called Oozing Vaginal Discharge!”
So hooted Von Young of Lividity, Peoria’s own Pornmetal bonanza.
Pornmetal is an unfortunate mix of metal, a genre meant to shock you, and porn, a subject with no shock value whatsoever.
Who hasn’t been looking at porn since they were ten? It’s as commonplace and comforting as that baseball mitt you saved from Little League.
The tired shtick was delivered with the snearing bluster of men who are terrified of women.
When they started tossing titty DVD’s to the audience I didn’t know whether to yawn or laugh.
And the music wasn’t much meatier.
Von Young’s death growls were tapered oinks with a hint of deflated mouth harp. The riffs were no better or worse than anything else that night. Though during the soundcheck the drummer put down these funky, tight beats that hinted at a squandered talent.
Late in the show, deep into a series of oinks, five words suddenly rang clear.
“It’s not vagina…it’s CUNT!”
Right, great, next band please.