Former Illinois linebacker and aspiring faith healer, J Leman has signed a contract with the Big Ten Network to provide game analysis and sideline reporting. No word yet as to whether he’ll use this as an opportunity to channel his gift for Power Evangelism.
One marvels to think of how his prophetic accuracy (which, reportedly, can top out at around 90%) might help him break down Wisconsin’s defensive line shifts, or the implications of Brady Hoke’s new offensive scheme. But if, God forbid, a player goes down on the field with a serious injury, both sides will be relieved to know that J is on the sideline, ready to use his words of knowlege to free them from the spirit of fear and show them the tangible presence of God.
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Updated 7/27
Looks like Deadspin, the Sherman Report, Chicago’s CBS affiliate, and many of the Illini message boards have chimed in on Leman’s ability to heal other humans through his divine connection with Jesus Christ. Thanks, Inter-webs!
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Updated 7/28
Whoa. Shit just got real. I’d like to disregard this with another pithy little aside, but seriously, trying to raise the dead? Some might call that sacrilege. My condolences go out to the family of the deceased. What a crazy, disturbing mess this is.