Smile Politely

Hanging on the Telephone

PHONE RINGS TWICE, WOMAN ANSWERS.

Woman: “Yeah?”

[…]

WOMAN’S UNINTELLIGIBLE VOICE HEARD IN BACKGROUND. MAN GETS ON PHONE.

Man: “Whaddaya want? I’m busy trying to pay the bills over here.”

[…]

Man: “Our recommendation is fire all those f*cking people, get ‘em the f*ck out of there and get us some editorial support.”

Woman: (in background) “F*ck them. Hold up that f*cking Cubs sh*t.”

[…]

Man: “It is a f*cking valuable thing; you just don’t give it away for nothing.”

Unidentified child: (in background) “That motherf*cker, Mr. (unintelligible), thinks I’m gonna collect three different types of leaves just for a grade? He is f*cked. F*ck, that. Popsicles (unintelligible) and gum in class every Friday, f*cker.”

[…]

Man: “Unless I get something real good for it, sh*t, I’ll just send myself, you know what I’m saying?”

Unidentified animal: (muffled barking sounds in background) “Rowrf-ruff rutherrucker rog rood rucks.”

Man: “You hear what I’m saying? And if I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.”

Unidentified animal: (purring sound in background) “Meow-meow f*cking mice meow-meow f*ck meow-meow.”

[…]

Man: “I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain.”

[…]

Unidentified: (gurgling sound in background) “That motherf*cking cat in that f*cking hat must not f*cking be here when mother is f*cking out!”

Man: “And what’s with the f*cking double-X section tickets for that motherf*cker’s party in the capital?”

[…]

Man: “F*ck that.”

MAN HANGS UP PHONE.

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