Smile Politely

Your weekly dose of football variety

What a fantastic week to be a football fan. We had the IHSA state championships and Pro and Colege football from Wednesday to this Monday. Plus we have some interesting news out of Golf (for once).

TOP FIVE

1. Saints: Was there really any question here?

2. Colts: All right, so you’ve come from behind in the fourth quarter in the last five games. That’s impressive. SO why don’t you just play like that the whole game? You’re either really cocky or just clutch.

3. Vikings: Two thirds of their wins have come by more than 11 points. That’s kind of impressive, and a bettor’s dream.

4. Titans: More on this later.

5. Chargers: Oh hello Defense, it’s nice to finally meet you 11 games into the season. Six in a row with this week’s game against the Browns. Chalk it, seven straight.

 

WHAT WOULD I DO?

So it’s Sunday night as I write this and seemingly all short term football talk has switched to the Monday night game, Patriots at Saints. Now by the time you read this the game will be a few days old but I still feel the need to put my two cents in on this one. So Kelly, if you were the coach of the New Orleans Saints what would you do?

Simple, I’d throw the game.

Yes I have been drinking, but hear me out. Although you don’t “officially” have a playoff spot locked, you do. You do not need this win, New England does. Division-wise it will not hurt you, you’re NFC and the Patriots are AFC. They need this game and are going to play like it. As a team you are firing on all cylinders and everything is going perfectly. There is no need to risk injury to any of the Saints. On the other hand, the reward is great. Your starters get the extra rest, you don’t have that pressure of an undefeated season, and (this is the best part) it would most likely piss them and the Colts off. Not only the aforementioned things but also it would be an awesome build up to an inevitable Super Bowl rematch. Maybe this is all dumb but I’m just thinking out loud here.

UPDATE. 10:30 pm Monday: Wow was I wrong. Not only did the Saints offensive line shred the Patriots D, their defense played a spectacular game and made some pretty sick tackles. Out of curiosity I pulled up the schedule for their remaining games; at Redskins, at Falcons, Cowboys, Bucs, and at Panthers. The only game on here that has a chance of being close is the Dallas Game, but it’s at home so maybe not.

The problem with going undefeated usually lies at the end of the regular season where things are locked up and the starters get benched to protect them. The interesting thing is that it may take until the second to last or even the last game to lock up home field through the playoffs since Favre and the Vikings are only one game back. This brings forth the realistic possibility of going undefeated in the regular season, and not because they want to showboat, but that they have to.

 

ELSEWHERE AROUND THE LEAGUE…

The Tennessee Titans are poised to do the improbable if not impossible. After starting 0-6, they have knocked off five straight and control their own destiny. Let’s back it up a game though….. Down four points with 2:37 left in the game, they got pinned on their own one by a punt from Atlanta’s Ben Graham. What proceeded was a display of perfect clock management, two fourth down conversions, and play calls focusing on small yardage. When all was said and done they stood on Atlanta’s 10 on fourth and goal with six seconds left. What this last play meant on Sunday is what every play from here-on-out is going to mean: the season. So if this is starting to feel a little scripted, just wait; it gets better. Mike Hermerdinger, offensive coordinator, chose that moment to call a play that hasn’t been practiced in two seasons (now you’re just fucking with us). Of course the play worked (the logical conclusion), some guy named Britt (who at Rutgers was known to have iffy hands) caught the ball, and the Titans won the game.

Now back to the present. Right now the Titans are everyone’s favorite underdog. They’re winning close games, coming from behind, and making for quite a fun little story. So now what would be good? I mean, people are starting to tire of them just winning games and we are running out of story lines. If only we had some huge giant they could slay, that would be awesome for ratings. Sigh; next week the Titans will face the Colts. If by chance they win that they have three of their last four games at home. At some point I fully expect some glittery vampires (Twilight reference for those of you who live under a rock) and a Pixar creature to show up because at this point, why not.

 

SNIPPETS

  • You wanna know what annoys me? Falling asleep to the Texans having a 13 point lead and waking up to the Colts having a 15 point lead. I must state that I HATE the Colts. This felt like a nightmare.
  • I think Monday night’s game bolted Drew Brees right up there in the MVP race with Manning and Favre. I’d give the slight edge to Favre.
  • Once again, Brees single handedly won me fantasy game.
  • The Bengals may have the league’s best ground game. In the last 4 games three different running backs have taken turns chalking up 100 yards.
  • Baltimore is still one of the scariest teams to play right now.
  • The smartest thing the Eagles have done this season was sign tight-end Brent Celek to a contract extension. He has been just about the only bright spot in the offense this season and has put up some mad stats the last four weeks.
  • Lovie Smith is going to need to shake up his coaching staff if he hopes to keep his job. A good start? How about Charlie Weis at offensive coordinator?
  • The Bears had the ball for only 19 minutes against the Vikings. On second thought, just fire Lovie.
  • Jay Cutler has 20 interceptions so far, fire him too.

 

FORE! THE WIN

(You didn’t think I’d ignore this did you?)

After a bad drive last week it appeared that Tiger Woods may have played his way out of the rough after Rachel Uchitel denies the allegations of an affair with ol’ Woody. Not. So. Fast. Jamiee Grubbs (a cocktail waitress) comes forward with text messages and a voicemail from Tiger that well…..

“I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?” one message read. Another one from Tiger read, “Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”

I dunno about her, but I bet Tiger’s about to get (Bleeped). There’s a voicemail too…..

“Hey, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

Now please explain to me how you can be married to a supermodel and cheat on her. I have seen pictures of this “waitress” and I’ll admit she’s at least cute but I think the threat of losing millions in a divorce would keep my 8-wood its bag and not on a 24-year old.

Maybe you’re thinking that everyone gets a mulligan, well RadarOnline.com reports that several women are in talks with numerous media outlets and all claim to have done the dirty with Mr. Woods. Ought to be a fun Christmas for him.

 

NCAA FOOTBALL

So here is where we stand:

Florida will play Alabama in Atlanta in the SEC Championship game on Saturday. The winner of this will play for the BCS championship. It recently looked like the ball was in Florida’s court (yeah, that’s a basketball analogy in a football article) until the recent DUI arrest and suspension of Florida’s top defensive player, Carlos Dunlap. At this point it really is a crapshoot.

On the other side of the BCS ball is Texas. They play Nebraska this coming weekend in what is basically just a formality; they’re in it.

Who’s rooting for Nebraska? Both TCU and Cincinnati are. If Texas loses (not gonna happen) both stand a shot at getting beat in the title game. TCU’s season is done while Cincy plays at Pittsburgh.

Boise State has no shot at making the title game but if they beat New Mexico State this weekend they will likely get a BCS berth.

Now there’s more going on but since the Illini are out of it and Bowl games are announced on Sunday….I think I’m just gonna call it a day. But next week there will be a look at all….most….some of the bowl games that are announced.

Updated: Oregon plays Oregon St. Thursday night. Be sure to check out the Ducks’ cheerleaders.

 

NCAA BASKETBALL

I’m watching the Illini play Clemson right now and it’s a rather sad sight, I’ll try to make this lively though.

After last week’s loss to Florida, Michigan St dropped another one. This time to North Carolina in a rematch of last year’s Championship game. Their defense just looks horrible. They’ve lost the ability to lock down opponents and even let NC shoot 50% from long distance. Izzo’s teams do have a tendency to improve on D throughout the season but it’s going to require a lot.

Whoa….i just looked up and saw the Illini are leading by 2 after trailing by 23 at the half…more on this game later.

On the opposite side of the defense spectrum is Purdue. Purdue forced 25….25 turnovers against Wake Forest. They also held Wake to under a point per possession on average.

And the Illini are now up by one and getting some good defensive rebounds.

Outside of that there isn’t much positive Big Ten news going on.

Right now the teams that should be winning are, and the teams that shouldn’t be, aren’t. Makes for boring news.

2:13 and still up by one…awesome steal!

I want to talk about this ACC-Big Ten Challenge. I love it, even though the Big Ten lose every year I still love it (yes, I am a Cubs fan). I feel more conferences need to get in on this. It would help with the rankings later in the season because it would give us a measuring stick for where teams at the top from different conferences should be at. In fact I think we should do it again around the end of January, right about the middle of conference play. It would be a good example of where each conference is at.

:41 and up by one……………STEAL……STEAL……….Illini have the Ball………..and they foul him.

Well this section’s gone to shit.

Foul shot good, up 2…….for the game and the 2nd shot is…..bad…..seriously?…Clemson has the ball..he shoots……he missed the shot…..ILLINI WIN!

After two straight times being upset, they pull the upset against the number 19 team in the nation. According to the voice on the TV this is the biggest comeback in Illini History.

 

PUNCH LINE

According to an anonymous source, Manny Pacquio and Floyd Mayweather have agreed in principle to a contract for the megafight. The rumored date being March 13. This is very likely to be the biggest and highest grossing fight in history. More on this next week.

 

SPORTSBOOK

12-7-2 NCAA FOOTBALL

17-14 PRO

7-2 MMA

Bills (+3) over Jets: This game is being played in Canada…..for no real reason.

Broncos (-4.5) over CHIEFS: The Broncos got some of their mojo back in the win over the Giants and are making a run at the playoffs.

Titans (+6.5) over COLTS: I’m siding with the script on this one.

Chargers (-13) over BROWNS: They will make it 5 in a row. Where did this team come from?

Patriots (-6) over DOLPHINS: Just because they lost to the Saints does not mean they are horrible. This is a lock.

Ravens (+3.5) over PACKERS: I told you the Ravens are better than their record.

Oregon over Oregon State: This is a straight wager since I think it will be rather close.

Cincinnati (-2) over PITTSBURGH: The news that the Cincy coach is going to Notre Dame could come in to play but I still think they will pull the win.

Alabama (+6.5) over Florida: Mainly I just want to see Tebow fail.

Tune in next week when we take a full look at the expanded bowl lineup, the latest in the Wood-gate, UFC 106, and a wrapup of all other major news.

Related Articles