Running has a funny way of making or breaking relationships. For most people I know, it’s made relationships with significant others better. That’s not to say there aren’t bumps in the road. Just take my relationship with my wife for example. We traveled to Spain to run, we got lost halfway through the race, and she had an asthma attack. She eventually forgave me for dragging her to another country to run. And, we’re still together!
That got me to thinking about how other couples run together (or separately), and how running has affected their relationships. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I give you four local running couples in their own words.
Valeria Rohde, 27, translator/aide at Jamaica Elementary School
Jeff Rohde, 28, piano tuner
Royal, IL
Who enjoys running more?
Valeria: I probably enjoy running more, but I think he is starting (since last year) to really enjoy running and training for a race. It took him a while to get into it, and then he would say he hated it even though he was running more regularly and running 5Ks. He is now training for his second half marathon! He’s coming around.
Jeff: By far and away it’s her. Over the years, I’ve started to enjoy it more, but she eats, breathes, and sleeps running.
Tell me about your first running experience together.
Valeria: I was just really happy and excited that he wanted to run, so I was trying to make it a fun and enjoyable experience. I kept talking and talking and that annoyed him quite a bit. So then I tried to just run and be quiet but it was hard for me because I wanted to know how he was feeling and I wanted to make sure that he didn’t hate it.
Jeff: When I first started running, it was one of my first long runs, which was five miles. At that time five miles was like half a marathon for me. She definitely talked more than I was prepared for when I was getting really tired, but now I’m really thankful that she was there because it was the first run that I was really proud of.
Do you run together?
Valeria: No, his pace is a little slower than mine. I don’t mind running with him on an easy training day, but it just hasn’t worked for us to run together. I always want to talk, and he is usually thinking on running as fast as he can, so it doesn’t feel too slow for me.
Jeff: No, because she is way out of my league. From time to time we’ll do a fun run together, like a trail or something.
Who is faster?
Valeria: Me.
Jeff: Her.
Describe your best shared running experience.
Valeria: Well, four years ago he ran his very first race, a 5K in Indy, and I ran the half marathon. We had a lot of fun going there together. I remember I really wanted to make my goal time, but during the race, I was just thinking of him having a good experience, and hoping that he would want to do it again. I ended up not making my time, but I was *SO HAPPY* that he made his and that he enjoyed it. That probably meant more to me.
Jeff: I would have to say the One America 500 Festival last year where we both ran a PR. Hers was in the Half Marathon and mine was in the 5K. I was so proud of her for setting that PR because she had been trying for a while.
Has running ever resulted in stressors in your relationship? If so, please describe.
Valeria: Um … only when one of us can’t run. I felt kind of bad last year when my training was going well and he was injured. I felt bad talking about my running when I knew he wanted to be training but couldn’t.
Jeff: I would have to say the money involved between running gear, entry fees, hotels, and a trainer. It can really add up. Valeria likes a movie called the Spirit of the Marathon, in which a guy says ‘In a way running is the cheapest hobby there is because all you need is shoes,’ and every time I hear it, I want to throw my remote at the TV.
There is a race in another state requiring you to travel and spend the night. It also happens to be Valentine’s Day. Do you:
a) go with your buddies leaving your significant other at home?
b) stay at home with your significant other, thinking all the while about the personal record you’re missing out on?
c) take your sweetheart with you, running the race together?
Valeria: c) Definitely! And I would try to get matching outfits.
Jeff: We would definitely both run the race.
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Margaret Ballantyne, 51, homemaker
Dan Bernhardt, 52, professor
Champaign, IL
Who enjoys running more?
Dan: Running is a very important part of both of our lives. We both value running for the sake of running and for competing. I care more about performance in races than my wife, who is always happy with the pure experience of running in a race (even though on a gender-adjusted basis, Margaret always does far better than I do).
Tell me about your first running experience together?
Dan: We ran together in a 10km race on Wolfe Island near Kingston, Ontario. It was also a race in which Margaret finished ahead of me (the only time). We had to take a ferry to and from the Island. It was fun.
Do you run together?
Dan: On rare occasions. Due to issues with injury and arthritis, most of my running has been on treadmills. We regularly enter the same race (in which case we would warm up and warm down together), and occasionally, I will run with Margaret in the race (e.g., to pace her to a good time, or for her to pace me to an injury-free outcome).
Who is faster?
Dan: I am faster these days. Historically (prior to meeting), we were closer (Margaret has a better sub-2:50 marathon time; my times at shorter distances were better). I expect that Margaret will again be faster than me in a few years time.
Describe your best shared running experience.
Dan: Tough to say. Possibly a few beautiful runs in Kingston, Ontario along Lake Ontario, or in a forested area. River to River was also a really fun race/run.
Has running ever resulted in stressors in your relationship? If so, please describe.
Dan: Yes. Margaret worries sometimes that I think she should train harder than she wants, or that I am disappointed in her racing performance.
Multiple Choice Question (see above)
Dan: Either c) (run the race together), or d) run the race separately to the best of our individual abilities. The answer would depend on how the two of us feel at the moment.
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Erin DeMuynck, 33, graduate student
Brian DeMuynck, 35, landscape architect
Who enjoys running more?
Erin: Brian’s the runner. I just fit it in when I have time, rather than ‘making time’ for it. But on particularly beautiful days I have been known to find going for a run so exhilarating that I get a little bit choked up. I’m pretty sure Brian doesn’t get quite so emotional when he runs.
Tell me about your first running experience together?
Erin: I don’t remember a specific first time. It was probably when I was training for my first 10K when we lived in DeKalb and I hadn’t been running very long. I do recall that I felt like I was dying and he was trying to get me to go faster.
Do you run together?
Erin: In the summer we try to run the Tuesday night fun runs with Second Wind Running Club at Meadowbrook Park, but other than that, we usually run separately.
Who is faster?
Erin: Brian.
Describe your best shared running experience.
Erin: I think I have two favorites. One is running six miles in the snow on Christmas Eve morning. It was so quiet and beautiful out and it was Christmas and I was with Brian – very nice. The Living History Farms Race in Des Moines is the other. It was cold, and wet, and dirty, but it was fun and was something I never would have done if Brian didn’t talk me into it.
Has running ever resulted in stressors in your relationship? If so, please describe.
Erin: When I was pregnant with Maya, Brian was really starting to get into running. I was afraid he was going to become super fit, and I was going to be fat forever. That was a significant stressor. Neither of those things happened though, so we’re fine. He’s awesome at taking the girls in the stroller when I need to work and is good about running in the morning so he’s not gone too many evenings, and I really appreciate that. I sometimes get jealous of his running, but I could get up early and run on the days that he doesn’t. It’s my own fault that I don’t run more than I do.
Multiple Choice Question (see above)
Erin: c) if the race allows strollers, but more likely d) stay at home because we have two kids!
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Erin Wilding-Martin, mathematics professor at Parkland College
Vance Martin, history and humanities instructor at Parkland College
Urbana, IL
Who enjoys running more?
Erin: I enjoy going out without a plan, just to enjoy the run. Vance definitely needs a goal and a training plan.
Tell me about your first running experience together?
Erin: Rattlesnake Master, 11/2006. We were determined not to run together, but at that time our pace was about the same. Vance sped ahead of me at the start, but then settled in to his race pace. We ran the same pace the whole time, with him 100 ft. ahead of me. But of course, he still gloated about beating me!
Do you run together?
Erin: No! We have a couple of times, on vacation. It doesn’t work well.
Who is faster?
Erin: We started out about the same, but Vance is now faster.
Describe your best shared running experience.
Erin: Probably the Indianapolis Marathon, 10/2009, where we both ran the half-marathon. We didn’t run it together, of course, but we had both trained really hard trying for a PR. We rode over with the Second Wind Running Club bus trip. My friend Kelly Bails ran with me, and Vance ran on his own. But the way the course was designed, we kept passing Vance when we were going one way, and he was coming back the other way. It was fun waving when we passed, and we both ran a strong race, achieved our PR goals, and celebrated together afterward with the other Second Wind members on the bus.
Has running ever resulted in stressors in your relationship? If so, please describe.
Erin: Not really, no. Except when my type A personality kicks in and I don’t think Vance is following his training plan closely enough.
Multiple Choice Question (see above)
Erin: A. You can reschedule a Valentine’s Day dinner, but not a big race!
How has your running affected your relationship with someone special?