Pondering the many seasonal orbs at Prairie Gardens

If you haven’t been on THE INTERNET much recently, you might not know that orbs are having a real moment right now. It’s all because of the Pondering My Orb meme which came to prominence a few weeks ago. It’s based upon this specific, and totally rad, fantasy painting:

Seeking a ponderin’ orb of my very own, I recently paid a visit to Prairie Gardens — Chambana’s largest purveyor of fine orbs.

If you’ve never been to Prairie Gardens in the month of December, you need to realize that it is an absolute balls-to-the-walls Christmas superstore, with a staggering amount of trees, lights, whimsical tchotchkes, and of course, festive orbs. (No other holidays seem to be represented, maybe they should work on that.)

Dear reader, I took the time to assess EVERY ORB in the whole place. Here’s the full breakdown of each orb and what kind of pondering it’s best used for.

First up, the largest orb I found was this massive, fake, spherical bush.

I recommend combining it with this, also quite large, orb of sticks so that you can spend some time looking at them together and contemplating the meaning of life and death.

There are a lot of orbs on this tree…but also a lot of balls.

What’s the difference between orbs and balls you ask? Well I think it has to do with size primarily, but this is a deeply philosophical question that you could contemplate while gazing at the tree.

Here’s a ball ornament that’s definitely big enough to be an orb! It costs $139.99 though, so if you wanted to decorate a giant Christmas tree with these it’d be quite spendy. Better to get just one for pondering purposes.

I thought this was an even larger ball ornament…

…but it turns out the other side is this creepy sun face. Is it perhaps pondering YOU? Or maybe it’s just stoned.

This orb is also a gnome.

You can stare at it and ponder, “when did gnomes apparently become a holiday thing?!” Seriously, like 30% of Prairie Gardens’ holiday stuff was gnome-related. They all have faces obscured by beards except for their round noses and they’ve all got very tall caps. That’s not an elf thing, these are definitely gnomes. I don’t trust these guys. Not to say I don’t trust any gnomes, I certainly trust David the Gnome. Where are my “David the Gnome” decorative objects?

Not fully orbs, but I did ponder these vintage truck headlights for a time. Luckily they did not turn on while I was staring down the business end.

Here’s the one jingle-type bell in the store that I suspect is large enough to be an orb.

It’s so big its ringer is actually a smaller bell. You can use this to ponder stuff like fractals and recursion, or I guess pregnancy.

The orb with the worst texture is this one that looks like it’s composed of shiny blisters. I don’t recommend looking at it for very long.

Then there’s this barrel cactus. An orb that’s fine to look at but not touch.

The only orb you could conceivably take a nap on was this floor orb. It required some fluffing to be close to spherical though.

If you’re wondering where the garden is, you’ll be happy to come across this particular orb.

The most adorable orbs are these precious owls. They come in two varieties: alert and sleepy.

Finally, the best orb for general ponderin’ is BLACK SPARKLE ORB.

It may not be as big as some of the others, but it contains secrets of the universe. It looks like a piece of the great void itself. My phone had trouble focusing on it. Heck, my trusty eyes had trouble focusing on it. The thing is downright inscrutable and only comes in a two-pack so I hope you have somebody else in your life who wants an orb.

Well that’s enough from me. Hope your holidays are filled with whatever you enjoy doing, be it orb-related or not. See you in the new year!

Top photo by Andrea Black.