Let me just saw how badass it is to have a comedy club perform every week in Champaign-Urbana. Weekly? Yes, weekly. Find a line up and schedule by clicking here. (That’s Jesse Tuttle up there.)
Andrew Hicks
“I see strangers on the street sometimes and it turns out I actually have an extensive drinking history with them. I am like the fucking Tyler Durden of drinking.”
Rich Wentz
“If you’ve never shaved your testicles before, don’t. It’s like driving a lawn mower over a bumpy lawn that spews hot lava.”
Chris Hightower
“One kid walked up to me today, looked at my shirt and said “damn Mr. Hightower, you look like my grandma’s curtains.” I looked down, “damn motha-fucker I hope you don’t graduate!”
Mikel Matthews
“I’ve got the kind of face that a normal person sees and thinks “stay away.” But psychos are like “NEW FRIEND!”
Kris Gardner
“There’s nothing more romantic than laying naked by a fire with the one you love and hearing ‘can I put it in your butt.’ I replied ‘yes, honey.'”
Derek Graff
Just a side note, if you’ve ever been to any of the comedy shows around town, and you hear a dude laughing really loud, and you’re not sure if it’s real because it is so rediculous. Well, that’s this guy. He actually delivered though!
“I know as much about sex as I do about religion. ‘Should I be standing or kneeling right now?’ ‘An hour seems way too long?’ And, ‘make sure you get in there and eat that little thing to make it count.'”
Esteban Gast
“‘Everytime I drink tequila I hook up with ugly girls.’ No man, you just hook up with ugly girls.”
Justin Tuttle
“When we were kids, he [twin brother] used to hide things up his butt.”