Iowa football is still at the beginning of what could be its first good year in a long time. Starting 5-0 and upsetting Wisconsin last week has moved the Hawkeyes into the polls for the first time since 2010, ranking #22 in the AP poll. Since there’s really nothing else happening at all in Iowa, it’s understandable that our guest, Ross WB of the blog Black Heart Gold Pants, got a little prickly when answering some perfectly reasonable questions. We thank him for his time.
Smile Politely: Since you openly admit your heart is black, is being evil what enables you to love Iowa or are you just really into boring places?
Ross WB: Illinois students spend multiple years in the godless wasteland that is Champaign, so I assume they know a thing or three about boring places. If loving Iowa makes me evil, I don’t ever wanna be good.
SP: Iowa is where the standardized test was pioneered, so I figure you’re the best person to ask this. I’ve got a Scantron sheet that I filled out reading “FUCK YOU”; to whom at the school would you recommend I mail this?
Ross: Send it to Mr. Don T. Giveafuck in the President’s Office. I’m sure he’ll be able to sort you right out.
SP: It’s been 30 years since Iowa had an outright football conference championship and 37 years since the Hawkeyes last men’s basketball conference championship. What’s it like being a perennial also-ran?
Ross: Probably still better than being a fan of a school that employed Ron Turner, Ron Zook, and Tim Beckman in the last 15 years. I think your basketball team would probably be in better shape with Jim Croce’s corpse coaching them than John Groce, too.
SP: Wikipedia says (without attribution) that Kirk Ferentz has been considered for many NFL head coaching jobs but decided to stay at Iowa. Does he just know that his mediocrity will continually be rewarded at Iowa and leaving would expose all his flaws?
Ross: No, the truth is that he hasn’t left Iowa City because he has a crippling addiction to the pie-shakes at the Hamburg Inn No. 2 and living the city to coach in the NFL would cause him to go through a hellacious withdrawal period. (Protip: if any Illini fans are making the trip to Iowa City this weekend, hit up the Hamburg and get a pie-shake. Your stomach will thank me.)
SP: What’s it like having the singer from Nickelback as your quarterback?
Ross: Ugh, How You Remind Me of that? But, seriously, he’s a real Rockstar and he takes a good Photograph. I bet Someday Illinois might even have a quarterback as good as C. J. Beathard to lead them to seven wins and the Foster Farms Bowl.
SP: The Hawkeyes beat Wisconsin on Saturday by somehow scoring less than the Illini did in beating Nebraska. Was that game as boring to watch as the first 59 minutes of the Illinois game?
Ross: No, because nothing is as boring to watch as Illinois football. (Kudos for beating Nebraska for the first time since polio was a major concern, though — it’s always good to cause the Huskers anguish.) Still, I will concede that the Iowa-Wisconsin game was not exactly gripping viewing if you enjoy things like “touchdowns” or “completed passes.” If you like interceptions, fumbles, and quarterbacks getting consumed by ravenous beasts disguised as defensive linemen, then it was must-see viewing.
SP: Iowa and Nebraska profile somewhat similarly, with stout run defense and less impressive passing defense. With that in mind, do you expect Geronimo Allison and Wes Lunt will just play keep-away from the Hawkeyes this week?
Ross: I would take exception to the notion that they profile “somewhat similarly.” Both Iowa and Nebraska are clearly better against the run (top-15, nationally), but Iowa is largely average against the pass (64th, 215.4 ypg) while Nebraska is abysmal (128th, 353.8 ypg). Iowa’s only allowing opposing passers to complete 54% of their passes this year and they have a dynamite corner back, Desmond King, who’s tied for the national lead in interceptions (5). If he’s matched up on Allison, by all means, throw it Geronimo’s way — I don’t think it will end well.
SP: Iowa is 5-0 and ranked for the first time in 75 weeks. Does the pressure to remain unbeaten and in the polls mean the Hawkeyes will crumble like opponents under a Jihad Ward tackle?
Ross: This Iowa team seems especially motivated to avoid the failures and collapses of some recent Iowa teams, so I’m inclined to believe that they’re going to be able to handle having a number next to their name. I’m more worried about the quality of Illinois’ defense impacting Iowa than I am nerves getting to them.
SP: Saturday’s game opens with Iowa as 11-point favorites. Based on last week, will either team even score 11 points?
ROSS: Assuming the weather isn’t as miserable as it was in Champaign last weekend (and I assume it was that miserable because even the weather systems hate being in Champaign), I think there will be more points scored — by both teams. I think Illinois has a solid defense, so I expect a few struggles for Iowa, but I think they’ll put together a few good drives in the second half to pull away. Meanwhile, the Iowa defense will bottle up the run game (especially if Ferguson doesn’t play) and force Lunt into some mistakes. Give me Iowa 27 – Illinois 14.
Illinois and Iowa kick-off in Iowa City at 11 a.m. on Saturday. The game will be televised on ESPN U. Follow our guest, @RossWB, or @BHGP for in-game twitter action.