A little bird told me…

Two big Illini basketball stories broke last week. No newsprint was damaged in the breaking.

Major wire services were silent. Even radio and television were too old and enfeebled, or just plain shitty, to break the news. And no, it wasn’t SmilePolitely.

Both stories came via Twitter.

First, we learned that Jeff Jordan might return to the Illini. Then we learned Nnana Egwu committed to study engineering for the Illini. The Jordan Comeback story broke when junior forward Mike Davis “tweeted” @heirjordan13

@heirjordan13 welcome back welcome back welcome backkkkkk (Mase Voice) hahaha12:01 PM Oct 6th from Echofon in reply to heirjordan13

The Egwu story tweeted from the Chicago Sun-Times, which some people consider a reputable news source. And that’s the interesting slant to this new direction: The established sources remain the trusted sources. Lesser-known bloggers and tweeters might have dished the dirt first, but it’s not news until a 19th century entity regurgitates it.

Smile Politely employs an editorial speedbump for all content, even the SPlog function. That’s an important and significant quality for differentiating this magazine from a blog. But it’s a necessary step if we hope to gain the credence you ascribe to The Washington Post, or Huffington Post for that mattter… or even IlliniHQ.

@THE GOOD, @THE BAD AND @THE INDECIPHERABLE

As far as we can tell, though, the Egwu story is for real. And while the staff is restricted from making any comment on Nnana, they’re almost certainly happy for the world to know that Jay Price’s recruiting continues to blaze a swath across the Midwest.

I asked Jay, Jerrance Howard and Bruce Weber — the three Illini coaches who use Twitter — how they view the new technology.

Perhaps the staff wasn’t so excited at the Jordan leakage. At thi$ level of college $port$, each decision spawns career consequences. Whatever the timing, the tone, or the technology — the SID staff and its boss (Pat Quinn? Ron Guenther? B. Joe White Stan Ikenberry?) would prefer to control it.

You’ll notice the PR staff includes a baker’s dozen. That’s a lot of message control.

But I don’t mean that in a conspiracy-theory, anti-corporate way. Message control is not a bad idea. Especially in this electric blue oasis (Urbana-Champaign) where major athletic donors, season ticket-holders and even the press vote red.

For example: What else is on Jeff Jordan’s mind? It’s easily discoverable. Just see who he’s following on Twitter. You’ll find that he’s focused on the same two obsessions which keep most of us on the internets too much: porn and Illini Basketball.

For rumor-suppression purposes, Twitter is the Anti-christ. You can see which Illini are chatting with chubby cheek traitor Tracy Webster. (You’ll notice it’s emphatically not Jereme Richmond, who hasn’t tweeted since July — bright lad.)

Mostly it’s just like all the other data gleaned from social networking — really fucking tediously boring. i.e. You can find out who’s on his way to class. You can find out who’s holla-ing to whom.

Aight?

Assistant Director of Athletics Kent Brown, seen behind coach Ron Zook, oversees media relations.

As Sports Information Director, Kent Brown’s duties include compiling statistics and media guides, issuing (or denying) credentials to news outlets seeking a seat at the game, and guiding the outward perception of the Illinois brand.

Not all sports information is deemed fit for public consumption. Getting the word out is important, but so is keeping it from getting out. Within four hours of his first tweet, Mike Davis realized there was shit on his fan.

@heirjordan13 u got us in trouble today G! The media was goin crazy about ur meeting tweet then wat I said back. They dnt understand SARCASM3:52 PM Oct 6th from Echofon

I asked Kent how the SID’s office feels about having a bunch of scholarship athletes on Twitter.*

This interview took place in the press box, at halftime of the Homecoming loss to Michigan State. A week has passed, and all the keys confiscated. Sorry I brought it up.

But there’s another intriguing point in Kent’s analysis: Comparing Twitter to Facebook is apples and oranges. More particularly, it’s Buicks and Bentleys. Facebook is proletarian. Twitter is bourgeois, verging on feudal.

Where Facebook shares (typically inane) mental diarrhea among all and sundry, Twitter’s diarrhea drops on the followers from the followed. You must ask to be shat on.

Case in point, ex-Illini Deron Williams challenged his constant companion — the friendly but not-world-famous Matt Mitnick — to acquire 100 followers on Twitter before Deron himself collected 10,000. Matt accepted the challenge, and lost.

Does Deron need reassurance that he’s more popular than someone you don’t know? Well, maybe he was having a bad day. Between friends, it’s simply a technologically updated pissing contest: Who Has the Bigger Twitter Dick?

But clearly, having hordes of followers is a status symbol. It’s equivalent to a million song plays on mySpace — rare, powerful, sought. What does that tell us about the Illinois basketball program vis-à-vis other schools? It means the Illini enjoy a more prominent presence, and celebrity (notoriety?) than most.

ALL QUIET IN KANSAS

No Jayhawks basketball players were arrested last weekend, according to police blotters from Johnson and Douglas Counties.

The dearth of aggravated assaults, fondlings and intoxicated roll-overs profoundly appointed Coach Bill Self, who issued no statement expressing his gust.

MORE ABOUT BOB NNANA

Jay Price (in the background wearing the ornage fleece, lands another big man in Chicago St. Ignatius center Nnana Egwu (with the ball). Is that George Karl talking to Jay?

A side story in all this Tweeting: Illinois gets a bitchin’ bespectacled basketball playa. He’s coming here because we have a superior college of engineering. It was us or Purdue, and we won.

Because Smile Politely is nerd-friendly, I think we can all geek out about this victory.

Egwu has been playing basketball since Nancy Pelosi recessed her first Congress. Way back in that summer of 2007, Hillary Clinton was still the Democratic front runner. YouTube was just two years old. Tony Romo hadn’t even started dating Jessica Simpson yet.

You probably have things in your fridge that have been there longer than Nnana has been playing basketball. This may seem unfair to those of you who’ve spent entire childhoods on a playground, polishing your skeelz.

But you never made the effort to grow to 6’10”, now did you?

Nnana’s commitment elicited much excitement from Illini fans, some of whom do not understand just how cool are his specs. Some message board posters even recommended contact lenses.

They’ve never been to the Hotel Figueroa: