Well, what an election. I’m sure everyone is still talking about their candidates either winning or losing, and I’m sure many people are either happy or sad or confident or worried about the future. I think we all know what is important though, and that is what happened with the non-election showdown between Matt Talbott and myself? Well, where do I start?
It was not our intention to divide the community so much, but it appears that is what happened. The community was, in fact, divided into two factions, those who “totally hated” the little bit we had going and those who “pretty much hated it.” There has not been an official/unofficial election on the topic and since we enjoy it so much, we’re probably not ending it just yet. We may have a debate or make commercials or something. Remember, things get funnier if you keep doing them, over and over and over again. I apologize in advance. Let’s get it on.
ONE MORE POLITICAL THING … THIS TIME REAL
Okay, I hate talking about specific politics, but I will tell you this. I didn’t vote for David Gill and I’ll tell you why. I was enjoying a few (i.e. thirty or so) beers at Brass Rail on Saturday afternoon and had just begun a game of pinball when my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but thought it could be important, so I let my ball drain so I could answer my phone.
It was a recording from someone telling me I should ignore all the lies I’ve been hearing about David Gill. Well, you know what? That little phone call is enough to get me to vote for someone else. Yeah, I know it’s petty, but I really don’t like recorded dickholes calling me on my phone on a Saturday, particularly when I’m drinking beer and playing pinball.
The freaking guy is not even elected yet and I’m already out the cost of a pinball because of him. That cost is roughly eleven cents. Yeah, it may not seem like much, but it’s more than enough for a rat bastard like me. I’m not much for making a stand, but that really pushed me past my limit.
So, anyway, the little plan backfired with me … except… Geez Louise, I hope they didn’t know I would behave in a childish way and they made the call in order to get me to vote the other way. Um, I’m glad elections are over.
GHOSTS CAN’T HAVE LITTLE KIDS … BECAUSE THEY HAVE HOLLOW WEENIES
I’m not a real big Halloween fan, so I must say I’m sort of glad it’s finally over. What the piss? Is it two weeks now or something, you know, instead of just one day? I’ve seen people in costumes since the beginning of freaking September.
My general theory is that most folks out there already behave like they are mental patients and that these people putting on a mask or costume doesn’t make them behave any better.
I suppose I sort of like it if someone is wearing a clever costume, but I’m really not a fan of someone wearing only a mask. It’s just creepy. (Note: Scott from Terminus Victor probably thinks I’m talking about him, but I’m not, but only because I knew it was him).
Anyways, I went out with a couple of buddies early so we could hopefully miss all of the Halloween grabass. This worked initially, but then we stayed out too late and ended up right in the middle of it. We even attempted to play some spooky trivia at Mike and Molly’s. It did not go super well. I apologize for shouting out answers, especially mostly wrong answers. We were supposed to write the answers down, apparently, but that simple concept totally escaped me several times.
THINGS ON TRUCKS
Strangely, I have several entries on this topic, all of them sort of weird. Let’s begin with what I consider the least weird. I saw a truck with those sexy stickers of silhouetted girls sitting down on the back window. You know, these.
Whatever, I don’t find it offensive, so much as just sort of weird to have on a vehicle. I mean, it’s also weird that you can kind of make out a nipple and that it would have probably caused me to lock myself in the bathroom when I was twelve. Anyway, seeing this was not all that strange, but see a couple of “Jesus fish” stickers below it definitely was. They simply don’t seem to go together.
I thought about asking the truck’s owner what the deal was, but I feared I would get an answer something like this: “Hey, I love Jesus because he made pussy. I don’t see the problem.”
On another truck, I saw what was originally a “Don’t drink and drive” bumper sticker … except that he had cut off the “don’t” portion of the sticker so it read “drink and drive.” Well, sir, that is not only ballsy, but also quite hilarious. I would plan on getting several tickets in the future, especially if they begin to hand out tickets for being a complete dumbass.
Then there was a truck with this printed on the back window: “If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.” I almost had a wreck clapping and cheering. That shit is pretty funny.
Lastly, I’m not sure what to think about this one, but I’ve seen it so much, I have to bring it up. About once a week when I go to Schnucks, I see a license plate that says simply, “BJ King.” I find it magical. Are they the king of getting them or giving them? Is King their last name? Doesn’t matter to me because I just think it’s fantastic.
VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Okay, I didn’t talk much about the Cardinals losing to the Giants, but here’s a little kid who did not take it well. It’s almost worth the Birds losing just to see the tears of a child. I’m joking. I really like kids … just probably not this one.
EXTRAS
- “No you cannot have my brownie. What are you, a fucking child?” Yeah, I actually said the previous sentence out loud the other day.
- I think I may try to start dating the mayor as I could totally stand to lose 20 pounds.
- Old gameshow idea, Pet or Parasite?
- That Pizza-M in Urbana is a mighty fine pie, mighty fine. Seriously, it is really great. I can’t wait to get another one. Seriously, I really can’t wait. We got one at Buvons on Saturday. That place is pretty great, too.
- I get to see Louis CK tomorrow night. That, my friends, makes me very happy.
Buona sera, senorina, kiss me goodnight.